I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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