My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
