i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
