we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
