Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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