Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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