My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
