Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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