how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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