I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
