think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
