Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
