i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
