I cockslap morals
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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