so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
