well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
