I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
