I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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