I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
