I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
