she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
