Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize