i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
