You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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