About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
