Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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