so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My breasts were aching with rage.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
