My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
