Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Someone came in the potted fern
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize