it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
