ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
