thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
