i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize