Everything about him screamed your future.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
