I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
