No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
