You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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