Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
