i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
