plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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