ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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