Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
