Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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