i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i came on her dog
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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