Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
