o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
