I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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