I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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