put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
