the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize