MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
me + whiskey = a bad person
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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