He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
