We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
