"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
