I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
