i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
