No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
