It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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